Most of us have no idea how powerful our minds are. Your input, in terms of what you think, do, or say, creates situations that correspond to the mental images you are forming. Sometimes introducing even the most subtle differences may drastically change the outcome. However, learning this subtlety requires constant attention. You must be very careful about what you are thinking, or wishing for.
Maybe you remember a similar childhood moment: a teacher of your least favorite subject is standing in front of the classroom, looking around, deciding who to ask about homework on the previous lesson. You are sitting at your desk, trying to look invisible, thinking, “please, don’t ask me, not now.” The mental image you were creating at that moment centered around you NOT being called upon by the teacher. And then, you got called upon. The reason this happened then and happens every time, is that the universe thinks in pictures, it doesn’t know grammar, and most certainly, cannot understand the word “NOT”, so whatever images you are making, they will keep materializing in your life, unless you catch yourself in time, and consciously create different images instead. In a situation above, a better image to concentrate on would be someone else being called to answer.
Regardless of how old you are or what you do, whenever you find yourself facing unwanted results, explore what you have been concentrating on. Examine your own beliefs and find those that might have created your current situation. Decide for yourself, whether all of your current beliefs serve you now. Societal myths as well as generational ones must be constantly reexamined. Identify a myth and decide if it still holds true for you. Is it serving you well, or is it time to shed it, like old skin, and free yourself from its constraints? You may find a belief that could have been useful at a time, may now need to be reframed. It is possible that you are growing out of it, the way you grew out of your old shoes. Here are a few of such beliefs.
Erroneous belief #1: You have to work hard. ( I will sleep when I die. Only those who make an effort, (struggle, sacrifice, labor) are rewarded.)
In fact, the opposite is true. Effort of forcing yourself to engage in the activities you dislike is counterproductive. How many lessons you were forced to learn against your will, when you were not ready to learn them, stuck with you until now? How much easier is it to learn something that you are open to learning, when you are ready? Allow yourself to do what you enjoy and what comes to you effortlessly and naturally. The universe does not have a requirement for you to keep struggling through everything you achieve. If you chose to do what you enjoy the most, and let others do what comes naturally and effortlessly to them, the world would be a happier place for all. Notice, that when you allow yourself to do the things you enjoy, they come to you easily. Even when you extend energy towards doing them, that does not feel like effort or struggle.
Notice your own abilities, talents, values and virtues. Allow yourself to take pride in your successes, own them. Enjoy your work and play. Focus on designing your life around them. Take credit for your achievements. This will raise your self-confidence and self-trust. Allow yourself to be authentic by sticking to what rings true to you, no matter what others think.
Erroneous belief #2: You must always find the right answer.
There is no one right answer. Find the answer that is right for YOU right NOW. People with low self-esteem or with self-trust issues are often obsessed with right and wrong. They are obsessed with proving themselves right to everyone, even at the expense of losing relationships, as they are often incapable of seeing another perspective.
Fear of not making the right decision forces us to procrastinate, as we refuse to make any decision at all, until we can convince ourselves, that the decision we are finally making is the right one. When solving a problem, it is important to realize that although it’s OK to listen to others’ opinions in order to see their perspectives, you need to make up your own mind in a way that works for you and serves your highest good. No two perspectives can be the same. You will never have all the information to make the right decision. You can’t know everything. Take a risk by making a choice anyway.
Erroneous belief #3: Not taking a risk helps to avoid failure.
Guess what, if you don’t even try, you have already failed. You have failed at all the competitions, races, and projects for which you didn’t sign up. Taking risks is one of the best ways to develop self-trust. It takes courage and allows you to see what you are capable of.
Erroneous belief #4: It is someone else’s fault.
In order to grow out of victimhood mentality, take responsibility for all your choices and decisions, be they good or bad. When we blame others for the decisions we made, we deprive ourselves of learning from these decisions, and of accepting a role of a grown up. You cannot blame someone else without simultaneously acknowledging your own powerlessness. While you see yourself as powerless, you cannot start trusting yourself. You cannot learn the lesson that came with that experience, for in the powerless state it is impossible to see what you did wrong, or which of YOUR actions, thoughts or words created an unfavorable situation. When you do see yourself as a powerful person, you are at an advantage of realizing what you can do differently to avoid the same outcome in the future. When you blame someone else, you recognize them as a victor and yourself as a victim. Such recognition perpetuates the vicious circle of trusting yourself less than others.
Erroneous belief #5: negative feelings (fear, rage, sadness) are shameful. They must be masked or repressed.
To the contrary, all feelings are good. Listen to your feelings. Emotions are a compass leading you through life. They are the instant feedback about the truth of who you are and where you are going. When you ignore your feelings, you get out of touch with yourself. Most people wage a war with their feelings by either engaging in distractive behaviors (overeating, drinking, smoking), or taking suppressing drugs. By chemically suppressing your guiding instrument, the compass that leads you through life, you muddy your intuition and impair the self-trust. You abandon yourself, deprive yourself of unconditional love by not recognizing your feelings, not honoring your boundaries, and not accepting yourself and the present moment just the way it is.
Start trusting yourself, by giving yourself unconditional approval, love, encouragement, respect and acceptance no matter how you are feeling right now. This will help you develop a new connection to yourself, and know that you are your best personal friend, a friend that can be trusted (not a fair weather one, that sticks around only when your health is good, and feelings are positive).
Perhaps a simple exercise in power of thought will help you to acknowledge your own strength. Try this: visualize a very convenient parking spot every time you set out driving, and see how much easier it becomes to find one.
As you get accustomed to visualizing desired results in any area of life: work, relationships or even shopping, you will be constantly surprised by powerful results.
If you are not driving or operating heavy machinery, start by making yourself comfortable, taking a few deep breaths and closing your eyes. Imagine that you start drifting and rising gently over your chair, room, rooftop until you can see the whole street, city, state all at once, as the earth keeps gently turning down below. Notice how everything looks from up there in the sky as you open up to your limitless imagination, allowing yourself to see things differently. After all, it’s all a matter of perspective.